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My January detox was destined to fail (obv) – then I blinked and February was done with. March was too COLD to be dealing with diets and exercise (hello please, there was snow in Dublin two weeks ago)… But now suddenly it’s summer, the clocks have been rewound, and the stretch is grand. YAY! Except my bod, it ain’t like Miranda Kerr’s yet like I had planned it to be by May.
Enough is enough – I need to ditch the 10 lbs I’ve added to my fine self since last Autumn. And so, last week, I decided Clean 9 was the way to go. Myself and my friend attempted this rotten detox last summer and failed miserably due to the rankness of the aloe gel that is consumed daily during it. How and ever I felt it was high time to give it a second chance. And so I began the cleanse.
For those of you who don’t know too much about it, Clean 9 is a nine day detox cleanse from the brand “Forever Living”. You’ve probably noticed Forever Living on social media – it’s one of those dodge (in my humble opinion) pyramid scheme companies, selling aloe vera based products such as toothpaste, toiletries, and supplements to the public, via sales reps rather than shops.
Clean 9 is a nine day cleanse, aimed to detoxify your body and purge away the lard. (Gimme!)
The first two days the lucky dieter consumes 480mls of aloe vera (beyond the realms of disgustingness) in four divided doses, along with some vitamins and protein shakes. Day 3 to 9, the aloe gel is reduced to one 120ml morning dose, and you can add a daily 600 calorie meal to the equation. All in all, pretty straightforward.
The opportunity to lose weight is obviously there. If you live on nothing but liquids for 48 hours straight (not the alcoholic fun kind, mind!), you’ll obviously drop at the very least some water weight, if not fat. Combine this with a further seven days of only 600 calories worth of solids per day, and you can guarantee your scales will be goin‘ down. Clean 9 is most definitely a quick fix, (which i hate the concept of and scientifically don’t approve of,) but alas I’m a sucker for anything offering pretty much instant gratification. Also, I’m going on holiday next week and want to (obviously) drop fifty pounds for that.
And so I began.
The aloe vera gel is incredibly disgusting. It tastes like how I imagine a pint of human sweat to taste. It has a lumpy phlegm-consistency, and tastes hugely salty. I hold my nose, drink some water, chug back the aloe like tequila, and then down a pint of water. Done! Repeat this by four and you’ve got the idea for day one and two.
You’re also allowed a protein shake (which I chose to make with almond milk rather than water), and it’s quite enjoyable. By enjoyable I mean, better than nothing. I definitely wouldn’t chose to drink it on a non-clean 9 day! You take supplement tablets daily also, which contain B vitamins, raspberry ketones, and garcinia, and finally a fibre drink (which i actually didn’t drink after day 2 as I kind of forgot about them, oops).
Aloe vera in fairness to it has many benificial health properties. It’s an amazing hydrator, hence it being hugely popular with burns on the skin. It’s also a natural laxative, which is an obvious big one for a detox ingredient. Forever Living promote it as being the miracle drug that cures everything from A to Z, and whilst I am always skeptical of such claims, I do believe it to be a good all-rounder beneficial supplement.
Anyway back to the diet.
Day One was grand. I obviously ate a disgusting amount of chocolate and whatever else was in the house the night before I started, And subsequently was barely hungry. I was however quite shivery. I woke up on day one with a really bad headache. Day One was a Tuesday FYI. I drank a particularly disgusting quantity of wine on the Saturday night previous when out with my friends, which resulted in a monstrous headache of dire proportions on Sunday. Monday I had the dreaded two day hangover headache and I have to admit I woke up with a slighter-duller-but-still-very-much-there headache on Tuesday morning. Other than this, I found Day One grand, My only side effect from the detox was that I felt quite shivery.
Day Two and I was already down two whole pounds. I found day 2 quite tough to be honest. I was up at 7am for work as per usual and woke up starving. By 8pm I was exhausted and had barely enough energy to remove my make-up. I whinged and moaned to my boyfriend about my hunger and went to bed early.
Day Three was great. I woke up starving, and decided to split my 600 calorie dinner into a 200 calorie breakfast and 400 calorie dinner. Along with this you can have a further two protein shakes, and also along with these you must down the 120ml aloe gel in the morning (it never gets easier). Day Three to Nine are the same plan; two shakes and 600 calories of food. You’re also advised to exercise for thirty minutes daily, which I did most days.
Day 3 – 9 were plain sailing. I wasn’t exact with my programme – some days I went out and switched the two shakes for extra food (not exactly ideal but hey, better than nothing!), other days I probably didn’t even have the full 600 recommended calories. Day Four I was down another pound which was great – five pounds in four days.
Unfortunately that was pretty much it then on the weight loss front until day nine when I lost another pound.
So altogether I lost six pounds. Not bad for nine days. I alsoI lost an inch on my waist, and an inch on my thighs. Not quite as much weight as I wanted to lose but not at all bad either. My size 10 clothes that were getting too tight now fit perfectly again so I can’t complain too much – (and I accept I’ll never be happy)!
With the exception of Day Two, I honestly didn’t find the cleanse too undoable. And I love my food so that’s saying something. Also, by day seven I was getting daily compliments from friends and colleagues about how great I looked. My boss thought I’d changed my hair. Forever Living reps talk a lot about your energy levels soaring towards the end, which to be frank I didn’t particularly notice. But I do feel a lot healthier having completed it. My stomach is flatter and my face less bloated. I’ve definitely lost some water retention from my arms as well.
Would I do it again you ask? I never plan on doing crash diets in the future… Who does?! I plan on being a yogi and living on my daily NutriBullet blends. But if I ever need another quick fix….
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